But that's the problem with cheating: it's dishonest, and it's not going to stop.  The problem, from the victim's perspective, can't be how to change the cheater's behavior.  People will continue cheating on their spouses!  It's what the spouse who was cheated on does after that.

Insist until you're blue in the face that men change their behavior (I'm being one-sided here).  Get as angry as you want to at the injustice of their dishonesty.  Demand honesty from them.  Cry your eyes out or scream and yell and sue the hell out of them in divorce court when they cheat on you -- or forgive them and take them back so they can cheat on you again.  Do any of those things that you want.

But you won't change a damned thing.

If you get cheated on, you have the responsibility for your recovery.  Rape victims face the same problem: just because their rapist goes to prison doesn't mean they'll magically be healed.  They may have to do a lot of personal work in order to recover -- but that work and their recovery is their responsibility.

If people want to maximize their happiness then they must claim their own power and accept responsibility when their plans don't work out the way they intended.  Any time you put your trust in someone else, you're taking a risk.  Don't be afraid of it.  Keep taking risks!  Most of the time things will work out really well.  But if something doesn't work out, cover your ass and move on.  It beats the suicidal or murderous alternatives.

by EveningStarNM on 03/13/2008 10:12:14 PM EST

[ Parent ]