Its not because its a sexless marriage | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden)
Eh, yes and no (none / 0)
If all men take your advice and try to find a partner for which they NEVER, EVER have the capacity to cheat, even if there's a stunning woman and they think they'd never get caught, they may never be married.

And I'm talking about million and millions of people here.

For the record, I have never had "sexual relations" (I love that phrase, it's so dumb) with another woman while I was in a serious relationship.  And I *think* this will continue. Obviously I get to decide if it will.

With that said, I have two points:

1)-There is no such thing as someone that fulfills ALL of your needs (unless your standards are really, really low). In other words, the idea that there is one, magical partner that is absolutely perfect for you is a fictional creation born of romance novels and lofty imaginations.

There is a spectrum, with some partners unable to fulfill ANY needs, and others being able to fulfill most of them. IMO, everyone has to find someone on the right side of the spectrum, within reason.  People romanticize everything (again, in part because of our pop culture, romantic comedies, etc.), and for this reason, they often end up disappointed at some point.

There's a balancing act being between getting the person you love and deserve to have while also being realistic about things.  You can't depend on ONE person to fulfill EVERY need you have.  That's what friends, family and personal time is for, to fill in those blanks. It's not fair to the other person if you believe otherwise.

Unless someone figures out how to clone themselves mentally, and then just changes a few things around (great, she likes video game football, threesomes, politics, evolutionary psychology, Wild Cherry Pepsi, is an atheist, and on and on and on), it ain't gonna happen.  You gotta find someone who agrees on the *important* stuff, whatever that means *to you*.

2)-Most people are never REALLY tempted.  Being *really* tempted means you're incredibly attracted to this new person AND confident enough in yourself to go for it (how many people let themselves go physically in a relationship? Yes, that matters here) AND thinking you'd never be caught.

Some people will still pass this test but many, many, MANY people will fail it.  They pride themselves on not cheating (hey, I haven't, but I don't pride myself on it) despite never having *really* been tempted.

For the third time I'm going to recommend everyone read Mark Twain's short story, The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg.  Twain kicks ass (for all atheists/agnostics, The Mysterious Stranger is a MUST read), and this story helps explain my position.

PS---Spinny, I'm guessing you agree on their not being a perfect partner out there. I didn't mean to direct all of my comments to you specifically, I was speaking more broadly.

by Tom Hanc on 03/15/2008 05:20:16 PM EST

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I understand your point (none / 0)
I'm trumpeting my good fortune. I have to admit that.

I have opportunities.  I have to admit that, too.  In my old relationship I took advantage of them without a second's thought.  That should have been my wake-up call.

It's hard to put all this into words.  When Ana described her view of a relationship I had to say "Hell Yes!"  In my recent past I didn't have the tools to totally grok what she said (points for understanding grok.  Heinlein is a god).  She impresses Hell out of me every day with how grounded she is.  My oldest daughter is in her age group and (I thank made-up diety) she understands what is important in a relationship.  I don't have every answer but by damn I have seen a lot of the wrong answers and can appreciate the right ones when they jump up and bite me in the ass.

No, nobody is perfect, but I accept and agree with people when they look at what they have and grok what is lacking.  Sometimes you can fix that lack, sometimes it's the definition of what's missing and the road map to what you really need.

Am I making any sense?  I hit the lottery, I found a person I can make a lifetime commitment to, and I really never have looked back since.

One major milestone: my prolific porn links no longer do anything for me.  Ten years of that.  What else can I say except I hit the mother lode?

I just want everyone to share in that.  Is that a bad thing?

Here's my sanctioned smiley:  ;-)

SAM: What's new, Normie?
NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.

by Spinny on 03/15/2008 06:16:32 PM EST

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Prolific porn links? (none / 0)
Pm me!

;)

by Tom Hanc on 03/15/2008 06:44:36 PM EST

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Heinlein IS god! (none / 0)

by EveningStarNM on 03/15/2008 11:34:10 PM EST

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This is why you don't post while toasted (none / 0)
Post toasties.  Heh.

I met my wife at a St. Patrick's Day parade and party at her brother's house, ten years ago.  Since then it's been a tradition to get together, see the parade (which is lame but in a fun way), have a traditional dinner at his house, and toss off some not-so-traditional car bombs.  You can see some of the results, above.  Hope I didn't scare anyone.

SAM: What's new, Normie?
NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.

by Spinny on 03/16/2008 08:33:06 AM EST

[ Parent ]
My stomach hurts. (none / 0)
"Post toasties"?

There are days when I wish I supported the death penalty.

by EveningStarNM on 03/16/2008 01:08:19 PM EST

[ Parent ]

Its not because its a sexless marriage | 14 comments (14 topical, 0 hidden)