The Young Turks

     For a person never really being a fan of reality TV, Miss Banks found a way to get me to pay attention to what she was targeting to an audience of young and ambitious women that just might have a few screws loose and are in need of some self confidence training that comes in countless forms.  How did this happen to me again?

     So, after my Tyra-turned ANTM obsession that stretches 9 cycles long reaches double digits, I've decided to give y'all an update, my weekly Top Model tracker, from the mind of a MAN riding the emotional rollercoaster that leads to another top model.  

     The season premiere hits a couple of staples and is filled with quick, sometimes 10-second glimpses into the background and motivation of some of the hopefuls.  The theme for cutting the large number of contestants from 35 to 13 this cycle is a Catholic high school.  These episodes are filled with intense screaming as the star struck girls are introduced to the favorite regulars that judge and push them through the grinder every cycle.  It sounds unbearable because it is.  The creative director and runway coach, Mr. Jay Manuel and Miss Jay Alexander have to begin to wonder what the hell all the screaming is about when they simply walk into a room.  I'd have to admit, after being screamed over this long by hundreds of women just by the sight of me, I'd wonder why the commotion stopped if I didn't hear it a little bit more every time I glanced their way.  

     So while they individually introduce themselves to Tyra and the two "Jays" in hopes of showing enough personality to be cast on the show, the other 29 girls seem to be cooped up in a room the size of a closet just to get some of the obligatory arguments out of the way.  The two Black girls that get into a pointless yelling match are a girl from Somalia and another from DC, looking to prove that she can kick some ass.  The emotionally imbalanced one lunges for a face to face fight, while the "bitch" that provoked the altercation, sits back and yells with her back to the wall.  We've all seen this fight in the front of middle school when we were 12.  Someone's hair gets pulled and the other girl gets her earring ripped out.  We fellas have endless jokes to tell while the girls look like they're witnessing a serious beatdown.  These are enjoyable on the show, but I always wish they'd just stop arguing and get it over with.  

     One of my favorite models from all the seasons engaged in this season debut spectacle in cycle 9, but that didn't sway me from being in her corner the whole way.  

     We found out the tragic stories of growing up, being married extremely early, abandoning a mother's religion, having a child at home to be taken care of by some poor schmuck of a boyfriend or husband that can't change a diaper, and the weird, awkward girl that just doesn't get it.  This season's unprecedented tragic story comes from our Somali friend, Fatima, who went through a female circumcision at the age of 7.  Armed with this horrific story of mutilation, she has the audience in the palm of her hand every time the tears flow from any mention of the experience.  

     Ladies and gentlemen, we have a frontrunner.  She's got momentum like Barack Obama on Super Tuesday.  There's a room full of Hillary Clintons looking for a way to derail the train named Fatima.  For every time Obama says "hope" she can say "circumcision" and there will be a roar from the crowd.  Her book, The Audacity of Circumcision is hitting the stores next month.  

     In all seriousness, it's the personal and anecdotal stories like this that create the genius that makes this show more than just a bunch of loud and nearly anorexic young women standing and looking cute in front of a camera.  For every outrageous story portrayed on the air, there's thousands of viewers relating to the experience, falling in love with this girl trying to simply model through it.

     Our plus-sized model Whitney has been admitted, as usual.  With a strong showing of confidence, this is the easiest spot to land in the final 13.  Although she's virtually accepted it, Tyra is still trying to fight off the portrayal of models as anorexic, bulimic, chain smoking divas with veins and protruding knuckles popping out of the back of their hands.  The plus sizer will make it halfway through and then get the axe, quietly in the middle of the night, soon to be forgotten.  

     Wrapping up the premiere, Tyra quietly drops the bomb of selection on 13 girls to be admitted into the house, where just about every reality TV show sets the stage for a stressful daily situation.  None of these misunderstandings will end up in laughter like they always did in Three's Company.  Jack Tripper still acted like he was gay and still got a date every night despite Mr. Furley's "hilarious" homophobia.  

     After being cut from 35 to about 20, the remaining 7 get to stand in front of Tyra while she slowly and mournfully breaks their hearts.  This has been imitated many times for the overly dramatic tone she sets.  There's of course, the twist at the end as she allows just 1 more girl in that was just thinking she was too ugly, had too much attitude, too fat, or didn't show enough personality.  These girls are already fragile enough, I even know better than to play with the emotions of a woman ready to lose it.  

     This year's last second entry is Dominique.  What the last second entries have to understand is that they are the emotional leader.  The judges and producers like her vulnerability that will either ruin her or lift her once they throw some hurdles out there.  This contestant seems to always be my favorite as they head into the house.  She always seems to put up a front, but shows her gelatin-like interior as soon as she's challenged.  Will she crumble?  

     She's not too bad on the eyes either...so is this superficial comment about her looks enough for me to keep my MAN Card even though Shaq/Kobe ain't got nothing on Fatima/Dominique?  Whether you like it or not, round 2 is coming next week when the photo shoots and eliminations begin.