The Young Turks

assuming bush does not declare martial law after a false flag coup-d'etat, and assuming the democrats do not implode with in-fighting, and assuming diebold does not play its usual shenanigans with vote-fraud, and assuming a slim but significant majority of the american electorate actually behaves like sane human beings---hahaha, i know, this is all lala-land fantasy, but bear with me---_your_ candidate will soon be the 44th president of the u.s.

now is the time to compile your "honeymoon checklist". it is simple, exciting, and fun for the whole family. you get to play the game in public or in secret. best of all, this is a game where _everyone_ wins, because, gentle reader, this game is designed to satisfy the socratic (or perhaps, oracular) exhortation to "know thyself".

your checklist is simple. it consists of (a) changes you expect your candidate to make as president, (b) ranked by order of importance based on your personal priority, (c) with a time-frame for implementation (in full) of each item on the checklist.

that's it. it is that simple.

it is important to make your checklist immediately after the convention: that is when your hope is at its hopiest, and your dreams are at their dreamiest. it is also important to write down your checklist---memory is fickle, and it is easy to forget later on what exactly you were expecting from your candidate.

here is a small list (in no particular order) to get your mental juices flowing:

* restore habeas corpus. revoke the patriot act.

* shut down gitmo. institute formal trials under u.s. law for all detainees, or else free them with reparations for false imprisonment and consequent loss of rights.

* prosecute the abu-ghraib torturers.

* investigate all of bushco's criminal activity for the previous 8 years. investigate all those who cooperated with bushco knowing fully well that such activity was criminal.

* purge all federal civil service and career organizations of bush appointees, or atleast thoroughly investigate the competence of these people for the positions they hold.

* revoke and reissue all governmental reports on science, medicine, public health, environment, etc. previously edited and politicized by bushco.

* sign on to the kyoto protocol and institute changes to combat global warming.

* withdraw completely from iraq. dismantle all u.s. military bases and troop presence in that country, regardless of any statements to the contrary made by bushco.

* pay war-reparations to the iraqis for the illegal occupation of their country by the u.s. and compensate all iraqi people for the violation of their sovereignty and suffering caused to them---said reparations to be administered by an independent body like the united nations (and not by u.s. corporate intermediaries that will loot the money for its own coffers). increase taxes if needed for this purpose.

* re-engage with the united nations, and stop taking any unilateral action on international matters. revoke the nominations of all bushco appointees to the u.n. and its affiliate organizations (like the world bank). pay back-dues to the u.n. along with fines for late payment.

* sign on to the international court of justice. extradite, if needed, u.s. citizens and other within u.s. borders to the court, for prosecution and conviction for war crimes.

* resolve, once and for all, the middle east conflict in the manner of your choosing. if the conflict cannot be resolved, disengage all uni-lateral involvement in the region and let the united nations handle the problem multi-laterally. stop vetoing u.n. resolutions that even marginally appear to be critical of israel.

* pursue the hunt for osama bin-laden through the united nations. obtain concrete proof of his death, or capture him for trial at the international court of justice. impose sanctions on all nations that harbor him.

* reform u.s. elections. all elections to federal office must operate under federal rules (and not subject to manipulation at the state and local level by political appointees). elections must have independently verifiable, persistent, ballots (e.g. paper trails). bring u.n. inspectors into the country, if needed, to ensure free and fair elections. what is good for democracy in the rest of the world, should be good enough for americans.

* provide affordable health-care for all americans (by whatever specific means). universal affordability is a concrete goal: every american citizen should be able to get treatment for any ailment they have, and in the common case, that treatment should cost, _both_ the individual _and_ the tax-payers at large, a reasonable amount of money. payment of all treatment costs for every possible ailment is not required, nor is _insurance_ the mandated vehicle through which payments are administered.

* improve the quality of health-care given to americans. be specific: e.g. no more mis-diagnosis of ruptured aortas, no more age-bias in breast cancer screenings, etc.

* increase/decrease free trade. increase/decrease fair trade (whatever that may be).

* guarantee or improve opportunities for employment for all americans. provide federal assistance for re-training and new-skills acquisition for those forced into job transitions.

* keep abortion legal. rollback all changes to abortion laws made by bushco and the republican congress in the previous 8 years. legalize gay marriage or civil-unions with full spousal rights for non-heterosexual couples.

* authorize federal funding (via the n.i.h) for stem-cell research, with stem cells coming from either somatic or germ lines---whichever is deemed most viable for research purposes by scientists most qualified to answer the question. if some religious groups (with no scientific qualifications) have objections to this, tell them to go cheney themselves up the colin-powellhole.

* appoint justices with specific opinions and stances (and litmus tests) to the scotus (even better if you have specific names in mind).

* increase the revenue base for social security (i.e. increase caps on payroll taxes), and/or increase payout qualification age, and/or other means to keep the system solvent while keeping benefits reasonable and indexed to inflation.

* reform immigration laws in the specific direction you see fit for the general welfare of the country.

* increase/decrease/shift federal income, wealth, and corporate taxes.

* increase/decrease the role of religion and faith in federal governmental activities.

* free don siegelman (hey, whatever gets you hard; leebruls don't judge your fetishes).

* and so on.

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evaluating the checklist to figure out how long your honeymoon lasted is pretty simple. take a copy of your checklist out every month (you did write it down, didn't you), and see which of your items have been completed as described and in the time allotted, and which ones have either been negated (the _opposite_ of what you want has come to pass) or else have expired past their due-dates without full completion.

since this election is being touted as the most important one _ever_ (for the country and for the world), mere inspiration and talk does not cut it. concrete and timely results matter.

if some item on your checklist is not really under the control of the president (driver licenses for illegals), take it out---it has no bearing on the honeymoon. remember, the checklist serves to evaluate your candidate in their job as president, and is not a catalog of feel-good campaign talking points.

remember that all items on your checklist are the sole responsibility of the president. you don't get to complain later on about republican gridlock, or a non-cooperative democratic congress, or rebellious states, or wanton judicial intervention.

bush, for all his faults, has shown that where there is a will there certainly is a way, and a sufficiently strong president can actually _get things done_ instead of just farting platitudes from the bully pulpit.

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as you make your checklist, it is also good to think about the consequences of failure to comply. will you be just a tad peeved (and will tut-tut the president in polite party conversation), or will you bubble up in rage and righteous anger (and take to the streets in protest).

if you will be only mildly disappointed, then maybe the 2008 election is not the most important one of your lifetime, and the country might as well have elected kucinich or nader---after all, the end results are going to be pretty much the same in either case.

as you make your checklist, it is also good to see if your goals are specific enough: "campaign finance reform" and "improved economy" are too vague since almost anything can be said to satisfy those slogans.

as you make your checklist, it is also good to think about costs. if a specific goal has a cost, think about how your candidate will pay for it. remember: there is no such thing as a free lunch; someone is going to have to pay. if your proposal for financing is: tax the rich and super-rich, note that down as well (and try to ignore the rich and the super-rich guffaw at your naivete).

as you make your checklist, it is also good to see if you have given each item a very long timeline for compliance. 4 or 8 years for each and every item is ridiculous. choose a honeymoon period that is reasonable so that you can actually evaluate the concrete successes and failures of your candidate as president well before the term of office ends---remember, shocking as it might be to consider, your candidate may not last more than one term.

as you make your checklist, it is also good to see if you have chosen non-result oriented weasel words as your goals. in particular, watch out for "inspire", "motivate", "talk about", "start dialogue on", "foster hope", or even (gasp) "cherish dreams". on similar lines, see if your checklist goals are even moderately verifiable: "restore the good name of the u.s. in the international community" is pretty close to vaporware.

as you make your checklist, it is also good to see if your desiderata are predominantly negatives against catastrophes---if your list is front-loaded with "don't drop nuclear bombs on iran" and "don't spy on or torture americans", be aware that you are setting your sights way way way low.

has the choice of president of the u.s. really come down to the point where one wishes for a human being instead of a deranged troglodyte in office---if so, what the shit are you even voting for?

if there is even a whiff of the possibility of insane dictators being "elected" by a majority of the populace, that country is fucked up far beyond redemption.

in such cases, voting once every 4 years (and spending 2 of those years in campaign horse-races) is not the answer. far more extreme measures are needed to change anything for the better. the fate of the well-being of the world cannot be left to the capricious voting whims of a moronic electorate---instead, there _must_ be blood in your milkshake, and it is called revolution.

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it is now 2012.

your hopes have been squashed, your dreams trampled (i know, i know---you say "cynic", i say "realist").

are you going to continue to vote for democrats _yet again_ in spite of repeated disappointment, or are you finally ready to look at third-party movements at the local, state, and national level.

or are you ready to consider the office of the president an irrelevancy (unless wielded by a maniacal republican), and that the role of u.s. elections has come down to picking the person least likely to do actual harm---thereby granting the office the same level of importance and qualification as a bucket of warm spit.

if you have read this far, gentle reader (as opposed to the vapid, irreflective worms that gave up after the first paragraph), you know that the checklist is really about being honest with oneself and not about making up scorecards for the world at large.

there is nothing more cleansing than rational self-assessment. the 2008 election, contrary to what the horse-race spectacle might suggest, is not about someone else---it is about you.

are your dreams so impractical that they will never be attained. are your expectations so low that you will be satisfied by sweet words and whispered promises alone. are you so wretched that you will keep going back for more of the same, knowing full well that all you will ever have is the vicious cycle of 4-year serial monogamy terminated by bitter heartbreak and divorce.

know thyself, citizen.