The Young Turks

I am in Hawaii wrapping up a short project for my old company. I am retired, but they call me from time to time if they need the  curmudgeonly guidance only an old tech head can provide. On this trip, they put me up in the Hilton Hawaiian Village. Not bad digs even if I do say so.Being a PM ( project manager) isn't the most strenuous job around, so there is a lot of dead time waiting for meetings, conference calls and the like. It gives one the opportunity to observe humanity.

The String Bikini  I am the first to say, I love string bikinis. Women with the proper attributes have graced the beach over the years with the glory of the female body accentuated by the ever popular string bikini. Some, not so much. In this instance I observed a beautiful mane of golden blond hair hanging over the back of a beach chair in the distance. One finely tanned forearm was waving languidly from the side, the chair obscuring the occupant. Waving, invitingly...oh so alluring. Then she stood up.

There she was, all 5ft 5 inches of her with , I must say, a beautiful tan and a hot electric pink string bikini. She was not an unattractive young lady, unfortunately, she must have been 170 pounds if she was an ounce, the hot pink strings straining at the mass they were attempting to restrain. Suddenly, it occurred to me, if they can design a bikini to do that, can a solution for the energy problem be far behind? I think not. File this under: what are they thinking?

Pax Americana Men often wait until they go to a resort to purchase the proper attire. 

You see them in their sartorial splendor, wearing the latest in recently purchased resort fashion. In this case a Tommy Bahamas shirt, 100$, designer khaki shorts, 65$ , pair of Kenneth Cole sandals 200$...and a pair of mid-length black socks. Priceless. Why why why? Would you put whitewalls on a BMW?

Fun with Tatoos! Is the tattoo fad over yet? I hope so because there are some mean spirited assholes for tattoo artists out there.I was sitting at the Tiki bar when three young college studly types , shirtless, oh so macho, with the popular Japanese pictograph tattoos, went walking by. I'm am sure they are under the impression the tattoo means something like  honor, courage or my Speedo can barely contain my package.You know the type, ripped abs..tan..real Joe Cool types.

 < Yes, I know you were wondering. There is a Clay Akin tattoo...

These young fellows were following some young ladies into the bar, attempting to make conversation. Suddenly a group of Japanese tourists seated next to me started to twitter with barely subdued laughter.

< Important Safety Tip Here is another tattoo you wouldn't want to show at the beach...if you live to tell about it.

They were desperately trying not to stare at the Joe Cool crowd. There they were, bowing to each other covering their mouths, laughing. Very uncharacteristic for our far eastern friends.I just had to know so I asked the one who was speaking English to the waiter.

"What is so funny?" The man turned to me , composed himself , leaned over and and said in a low voice, "Like men!" "You mean the tattoo"I said pointing to my arm? "Yes! Yes! Like men!

< Ice Ice baby...

He didn't elaborate on exactly what it said but I get the impression it was the Japanese version of the Clay Akin tattoo.(Note to self: If I ever want to get a Japanese pictograph tattooed on my arm...get it translated first.)

Fanny May. Men, don't wear fanny packs. Ever.  If you must wear a fanny pack, make sure you get your fanny pack when you leave the room. One more thing ,fanny packs and Harley muscle shirts are probably not the way to go.

Technicolor Yawns all Around! Lastly, fight the urge to do things you normally wouldn't do at home. For example, if your from Kansas, and you have never been on a boat larger than a canoe at the YMCA summer camp, its probably a good idea to avoid a dinner cruise until you see how you react to the motion of the sea. Particularly, a dinner cruise in the ocean off of Honolulu.

If your from Kansas and you absolutely must go, drink club soda or water before the ship gets under way. Jägermeister shots are right out. Also if your badly sunburned you probably shouldn't go, after the Jäger shots, in the ocean off Honolulu, on a dinner cruise.

Finally, if you manage ,with your sunburn ,after the Jäger shots,  to eat the appetizer and salad... don't drink the "Three Premium Cocktails",

• Three Premium Cocktails
• Smoked Salmon Appetizer
• Navatek Royal Salad
• Steak
• Steamed Maine Lobster with Melted Butter
• Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• Honey-Glazed Chateau Carrots
• Chateau Zucchini
• Taro and Sweet Bread Rolls with Macadamia Butter
• Chocolate Mousse Cake

and once the ship begins to roll a little,do not try to dance. You will not make it to the to main course. Neither will your other dinner guests from Kansas. And whatever you do, don't puke in the nearest ice bucket.

Especially when it's my ice bucket.

Happy Vacationing.

MRFred