I have been reading some stories lately about intellectually disabled" peoples rights groups have been freaking out at the use of the word “retard” in the movie "Tropical Thunder" Though I understand the cruelty involved in making fun of people who are mentally challenged. The comparisons to the plight of African Americans in the United States and claiming the claim that the "R" word is just as offensive as the "N" word are taking it a bit over the top. I don’t know if they have noticed this, but retarded people have made great strides in their efforts at equality in America. Retards people should rejoice by looking no further than the White House. If George W. Bush is not the shining example that the intellectually challenged can now attain even the highest office in the land, than I don’t know what is. Look it comes down to context and intent. Retarded people have done really funny things we all should be able to laugh at without attacking them for the tings that they can not help.Take for example a public bus ride I took a few years ago.
This story is 100 percent true and happened to me about ten years ago. I don't know why I have never written this in my blog before now but hopefully it will make you laugh.
It was the middle of summer and for some reason I was out at Cuesta College waiting for a bus. The campus was totally dead and I was sitting alone when a small (short) bus pulls up and lets out a group of "special needs" adults who file out and sit to my right. Then another short bus pulls up and deposits about 15 12 year old boys who had just finished their last day of college for kids. They sit to my immediate left and proceed to act like 12 year old boys amped up on cup cakes and jolt soda. Suddenly I feel a tug on my right shoulder turn and look to see a very, very large special needs woman wearing a hat that reads "Mo Hotta Mo Betta" she says to me in a booming special needs voice,
"THOSE BOYS ARE MEAN TO ME, TELL DEM NOWT TO BE MEAN" I just look at her because I’m at a total loss for what to say so she starts yelling really loudly "TELL THEM NOWT TO BE MEAN TELL THEM NOWT TO BE MEAN TELL THEM!!! TELL THEM"
So I do the only thing I can think of and turn to the nearest kid to me and I say , "Hey kid, don't be mean" he gives me a “what ever dude” look and turns back to his friends. To my surprise this is exactly what the mo hotta mo betta lady needed and in the tone of a ballerina on muscle relaxers, she very calmly says, "Tank Yew"
A few minutes later the bus pulls up and all the special needs people fill up the front half of the bus and all the kids take the back leaving me a seat in the middle. This bus route is relatively rural and runs hwy 1 between San Luis Obispo and Morro Bay and no sooner do we get to the middle of nowhere part, past the point of no return the bus makes a horrible rod throwing, suddenly no oil, engine seizing sound. The driver manages to limp the bus to the side of the road where we come to a stop.
Now for what seemed like the a minute or two we all sat there in silence. Each of us realizing in our own special way that our trip home was going to take us a whole lot longer than any of us had planned. The stunned silence was shattered when all of a sudden Mo Hotta Mo Betta lady stands up and begins to scream,
"BUS IS ON FIRE!!! BUS IS ON FIRE!!!! OHHH NO!!!! BUS IS ON FIRE"
What happens next can only be called a retarded fire drill. If it makes you fee better go a head and call it an intellectually challenged fire drill because in the end it all amounts to the same exact thing.
As if Mo Hotta Mo Betta Lady was a general in the retarded reserves all the “special needs” people started freaking out on command. Those that could began running around screaming. Aware of a problem, but not completely sure what to do about it. Apparently running around screaming works for them. The kids in the back continue to act like 12 year old boys and start throwing crap around while the dude in the wheel chair just starts letting out a blood curdling scream that sounds A LOT like the most annoying sound in the world from the movie ”Dumb and Dumber”. I'm thinking to myself "oh my god, what the hell is happening" when I realize mo hotta mo betta is going for the fire extinguisher with the full intent of using it and in her mind with total justification. I mean this woman thinks she is going to be the super hero and save the day. Fortunately she got stuck trying to figure out the safety pin and the lady bus driver gets it from her just in time and starts screaming "The bus is NOT on fire everyone sit DOWWWWWN" this calmed them down enough for her to open the door and begin to assess the damage.
I followed her out the and went behind the bus to try and hitch hike the rest of the way home. A few minutes later the frazzled driver who I know must be thinking "Jesus Lord mercy I DO NOT get paid for this crap", comes over to me and begs me not to hitch hike because now that the boys have seen me they are spread out down the highway thinking its hilarious putting their thumbs out to passing motorists. It was to late though because as she was saying this to me a car stopped and I looked at her and just gave her sorry but I'm out of here look after all I wasn't getting paid anything for that crap.
posted by ososkid 
