Seven Degrees of Attraction
posted by rev24
01/03/2009 07:39:02 PM EST
Coming home from my recent twelve hour holiday journey in the car, I got to thinking what is it about women that drives my attraction to them. I know a lot of you are probably like "not another womanizing post," but I want go beyond that limited perspective in my attempt to explain this lustful behavior that has been with us since the dawn of man. Some may argue that women in fact are the main reason behind all of mankind's advancement in their quest to win their glory. Personally, I think there are a number of reasons for this progress, for better or worse, that include man's hunger for power, materialism, and intellectual curiosity, however, I think there is no denying women are interweaved in the mix.
Let me add, I know women's active roles were also an instrumental force behind the rise of civilization/modernity, however, for now I'm going to focus on man because that is what I know and feel. I've reached deep within my lustful bowels, and have come up with the Seven Degrees of Attraction. I have used this elaborate system to classify a number of Hollywood stars and a couple news hosts that most of us are familiar with, especially if you soak up TYT's third hour. This took longer than I thought so I only have the time to post the below diagram followed by the list which goes into more detail on each category:
So why do we strive so hard to become rock/pop stars, professional sports players, Nobel Laureates, all powerful talk show hosts, youtube sensations, ruthless pirates? Do we love the music that much? Do we really care so much about justice and the suffering of others? Ok, I'm getting a little off subject and honestly a little out of my league because my intentions are not to attempt to explain the psychology of man, but merely try to explain what drives lust. If I was to attempt to explain the former, this conversation would most likely devolve into some Planet of the Apes/Darwin diatribe based off the knowledge and studies of a dead man. So let us exam the Seven Degrees of Attraction more closely:
Buttons - These are our button-nosed cuties that you just can't get enough of. You just want to touch their noses and watch them giggle.
Freida Pinto - Although I'm not quite convinced by her acting in Slumdog Millionaire, this little Indian Pinto bean is my current #1 Button and recently earned a spot in my Top 5 all category. Please India - keep sending your starlets to Hollywood!
Alyssa Milano - A solid button - have you seen her in Charmed?
Audrey Tautou - Our favorite little Frenchie from Amelie and Da Vinci Code. Voulez-vous sorti avec Rev-24? Eh?
Kourtney Kardashian - Don't let her sister, Kim, take all the glory. Not only is this Armenian packing the heat, she's cute as a button.
Penelope Cruz - A controversial pick, but I know Dave has my back on this one. Anyone seen her cuddle up with Scarlet Johansson in Woody's new flick, Vicky Christina Barcelona?
Critters - Don't let the name throw you, these special little wonders make the world go round. Although critters are typically smaller women with shorter hair, they come in all shapes - emaciated, normal, frumpy, you name it. Unlike their button nosed sisters, there's something a little different about these women that drive us wild.
Mindy Kaling - My #1 critter and current #1 Top 5 all category. You've seen this cute, frumpy, sassy, Indian princess on "The Office" and hopefully we'll see more of her in film.
Winona Ryder - My childhood dream girl that I'll always hold dear to my heart. I blame Johnny Depp's cold hand for the prescription drugs.
Natalie Portman - I don't care if you call her androgynous, Natalie is critter perfection!
Rachael Ray - What is it about this food network mogul that makes things stir down under? Is it her weird lip movement or the Arab scarf?
Nerds - I feel bad calling some of my favorite women nerds, but I couldn't think of anything else. Basically a "nerd" to me is someone whose personality/humor/political
passion shines beyond their physical beauty. What's interesting, is that although these women are generally good-looking, they definitely know how to dress the part and know the tricks of the trade whether that be sexy librarian glasses and/or popping lip gloss
Tina Fey - A Top 5 all category, though recently she's getting a little played out with all the media attention from her Sarah Palin impersonations. This former SNL head writer and 30 Rock creator needs to start to tapping those creative juices once again and not let all her Emmys get to her head because the third season of 30 Rock started off a little weak. Though to keep it real, I'd have 1 Night in Tina over 1 Night in Paris any day of the week!
Jill Pike - I think I've said enough about Jill in the past. On the other hand, I'm thinking back to how stunning she looked at the Democratic Convention and I'm tempted to put her in with the unicorns, though I think it's more of an honor to be with the nerds.
Lea Morris, Esq. - This political, sexy lady knows how to do all the right things. You can watch Mrs. Turtle, Esq. do her thing at goleft.tv. With the exception of the Pikester, I've never enjoyed watching a female political host so much.
Sultresses - These booty packing, bra-busting beauties will leave you stone cold frozen in your steps.
Kim Kardashian - I don't care what you say, if you can't handle what Kim has to offer the world, I'm raising the rainbow flag. Also a current Top 5 all category.
Tamron Hall - I don't know what's taken Cenk so long to notice this MSNBC buxom beauty, but I'm glad to see he's gotten with the program.
Salma Hayek - This Spanish/Lebanese beauty rotates in and out of my top 5 even at the age of 42. Good news for all us dreamers - the engagement's off!
Jennifer Love Hewitt - The only reason why I like Texas and watch the Ghost Whisperer. Another, hour glass figure, known to frequent my Top Five all category.
Unicorns - All around beauties!
Halle Berry - Can I get an amen even after the pregnancy!
Julie Banderas - I can't tell you much about her because I usually don't watch Fox, but this Latina "news" anchor, will make you do some crazy things (like actually watch Fox News).
Tea Leoni - Honesty, I had some troubles thinking of very many white unicorns, but then I remembered the beautiful Tea Leoni. At 42 she shows some serious potential of becoming a Swan in her later years.
Aishwarya Rai - Some have called this Indian Goddess the most beautiful woman in the world. You won't hear me argue against that statement and Aishwarya would definitely be in my Top 5 if she had more of an American presence. Also I think that would be pushing it with 3 Indians in my Top 5.
Serpents - These are bad sexy girls that drive you crazy. Expect to find these girls on a strip pole when you enter the gates of hell!
Paris Hilton - Love her, hate her - there's no doubt she's one sexy devil.
Portia De Rossi - Another reason to watch Arrested Development. I'm telling you, the beast dwells in the eyes.
Gina Gershon - Along with Michael Shure's drunken scene at Cheetahs, another great reason why to watch Showgirls. At 46, it's very obvious that she's going to make a lovely Swan.
Megan Fox - I've only seen pictures of Megan, but it only takes one look to know that she's one of satan's creatures.
Swans - These are older women (50+) who have somehow been able to maintain one or more of the above traits. Personally, I've never "been" with a Swan, but I thought it would be fair to acknowledge the attraction.
Cindy McCain - I've got crap about this in the past, but there's just something about Cindy that grabs my attention. Maybe it's the Serpent in her or possibly the stepford wife attraction? Catch her at the wrong angle means trouble, but catch her at the right angle and we might just make it happen.
Arianna Huffington - I've never seen Arianna in the flesh, however, from what I've seen of her, it looks like she's been able to maintain her good looks into her old age. Why is Cenk so scared of Arianna again?
So now that I'm finished with my list/exercise, have I learned anything or am I just killing some time? I'm kind of curious how universal this system is with of course some categories being flexible for personal preferences. I know there also hybrids like Tila Tequila who is a Button and a Serpent, but I think I can easily pick out the dominant characteristic in about 99% of the women I'm attracted to. Then again, there are some anomalies like Britney Spears who I have no idea why I'm attracted to - maybe I just like my women bat-shit crazy?
